EMDR: The Notes in the Margin

Have you ever been reading a really good book when something suddenly interrupted you?

Perhaps your phone rang.

A child needed your attention.

Dinner was ready.

You closed the book, fully intending to come back to it later.

But over the next few days, you found yourself thinking about it.

What happened to that character?

How did the story end?

Without even trying, your mind kept returning to the place where you stopped reading.

There's actually a fascinating psychological principle that helps explain why this happens.

It's called the Zeigarnik Effect, named after psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik. She observed that our minds tend to hold onto unfinished tasks more readily than completed ones. Many people describe it as having an "open tab" in their brain. Until it's completed, that tab quietly continues asking for our attention.

I often use this idea with clients when we're talking about productivity. If you've ever found yourself mentally replaying an unfinished email, a project you haven't completed, or a phone call you still need to make, you've probably experienced your own collection of open tabs.

Our brains naturally like resolution.

I sometimes wonder if painful experiences can feel much the same way.

When something overwhelming happens, our nervous system doesn't always have the opportunity to fully process what occurred. Instead, it's as though the story is interrupted halfway through.

The book is closed.

The tab remains open.

But trauma doesn't simply leave us with an unfinished story.

Sometimes it leaves notes in the margins.

Imagine checking that same book out from the library months later.

You begin reading, only to notice someone has written throughout the pages.

Next to one chapter, they've scribbled,

"You should have known better."

Farther along,

"You can't trust anyone."

A few pages later,

"You're not enough."

"This was your fault."

"Don't let anyone get too close."

You know those words weren't printed by the author.

Someone else added them later.

Yet after seeing them over and over, it's easy to begin reading the entire story through those handwritten notes.

Our lives can begin to feel much the same way.

Traumatic experiences don't simply leave behind memories.

They often leave behind conclusions.

A child who grows up with unpredictable caregivers may quietly write,

"People leave."

Someone repeatedly criticized may begin reading life through,

"I have to be perfect."

A survivor of betrayal may find the words,

"I can't trust anyone,"

appearing in the margins of every new relationship.

Eventually, those notes become so familiar that we stop noticing they were ever added.

We assume they're part of the original story.

But they aren't.

They're interpretations our nervous system made while trying to survive overwhelming experiences.

And while those interpretations may have made sense at the time, they don't always continue serving us in the present.

This is one of the beautiful things about EMDR.

Many people worry they'll have to relive every painful chapter of their lives.

In reality, EMDR isn't about forcing you to reread your story from beginning to end.

It's about helping your brain return to the places where the story became interrupted, allowing it to process what couldn't be processed before.

As those experiences become integrated, something remarkable begins to happen.

The open tabs begin to close.

Not because you've forgotten what happened.

But because your brain no longer has unfinished work to do.

And those notes in the margins?

You begin seeing them for what they are.

Not the author's words.

Not objective truth.

Not your identity.

Simply conclusions that were written during moments of pain, fear, or uncertainty.

You don't erase the book.

You don't pretend those notes were never there.

Instead, you learn to recognize that they were never the story itself.

They were simply someone's attempt to make sense of a chapter that felt impossible to understand at the time.

Healing often isn't about changing the facts of your story.

It's about changing the way you read it.

At Upstate Integrative Mind Counseling, we use EMDR to help individuals process trauma, attachment wounds, anxiety, and other overwhelming experiences that continue to shape the way they see themselves and the world. Together, we create the space for those open tabs to finally close, allowing old conclusions to be replaced with a deeper, more compassionate understanding of your story.

If you've spent years reading your life through notes that fear, shame, or trauma wrote in the margins, we'd be honored to help you discover that those words were never the author of your story. Through EMDR, healing isn't about rewriting your life; it's about learning to read it with clarity, compassion, and hope.